cleavage - stick fighting
had a big stink at work regarding the dress code on friday. i was wearing a black tank top i had just bought for work - my other one, by joe boxer, was too short, semi-see through, and the back often dropped low enough to expose my entire bra strap. so i got another at eddie bauer with that built-in shelf bra thingy in it to cut down on the see-throughness of it. its much longer than my other one and doesnt expose any underwear.
after devotions friday, karen called me into her office and asked me if i had brought another shirt. i had brought a blue eddie bauer pullover in case i got chilly. she said that bob had requested i put another shirt on because i was in violation of the dress policy. i complied quickly, then asked karen what was wrong with my tank top. she was unsure, but said she would find out.
today i had reminded her that she was going to look into the policy for me. as i was leaving at five, she again called me into her office, this time to tell me what was inappropriate about my tank top.
apparently she had gone to the head of personnel and asked. they had to do some speculating because nothing in the written dress code indicated my tank top was inappropriate for the workplace. they came up with the following two 'implied' no-nos that my tank top violated:
no cleavage |
apparently my cleavage had caught and held the attention of a male teen volunteer during prayer. and my bare shoulders make me look like a harlot. or something to that effect. i am uncomfortable following strict rules that are implied and not in writing anywhere. and i told karen that. at least she understood.
now im out the $20 for the tank top, and the blue one i got at the same time that i am now returning. i cant justify a $20 tank top that can only be worn at night and on the weekends.
driving home, i either had an epiphany, or God was speaking to me. im inclined to believe it was the latter. i discovered that the reason i dress to show off my legs and my well-endowed chest is to get men to notice and approve of me sexually - as a sexual being. and the reason i need this approval/acceptace is that the one person i am supposed to receive it from, my husband, does not give it to me.
we are acting more and more like roomates than spouses. granted, we are great roomates. only married over a year and we are hardly lovers. this thought made me burst into tears. at rush hour. not a good combination.
i am seeking the attention i am not receiving at home. isnt that how many affairs begn? i do believe so. i am now scared. for our relationship, my love for him, my self-esteem.
hes all depressed and irritable tonight. i got frustrated dealing with his self-centeredness that i made guacamole. the stuffs pretty good, too.
odd entertainment: stick fighting
