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lonely and without shoes

ive been sitting here for about 20 minutes trying to think of something quasi-witty to write. im afraid that i am going to write something anyway. i apologize in advance for the posts obvious lack of wit.

so b went out camping/fishing yesterday morning with a few guys from work. and i am, suprisingly, ok. im not freaking out about him 'leaving me and mever coming back' like i may have been friday night.

but of course yesterday was filled with garage sales and security alarms. so my mind wasnt focused on how lonely the apartment is without him.

or how big the bed is. or quiet my morning was.

but i do not intend to psych myself out into irrational thought. you know the kind: "he hates doing anything with me. and for good reason, too - im a terrible bore, and everything i do is the wrong thing. i cant even keep dishes clean. im really quite a worthless wife."

im very tired of pulling myself into those feelings. and i am very very glad that i am not there right now, nor do i forsee them for the rest of the day.

and with rt on break for the summer, i have no plans for today. nothing i have to do. and that feels great.

ive considered heading out to the church to do some filing stuff... but thats work. and i might resent that b is out playing while i work. and i dont want to resent him today.

i actually want to go buy some shoes. not just any shoes - but comfortable shoes that i like and would be allowed to wear to work. which would be nice - to have a pair of sandals to wear to work besides my tevas.

i love my tevas, you know. theyre just ridiculously old for a pair of sandals. and it gets tiring wearing them every day.

if i didnt have such an aversion to shoes (which i do. the aversion, that is.), i would have many more options. like my leather boots

if i didnt have nasty mosquito-bitten scars on my legs, i would also have more options. for i would wear more skirts. and more dressy shoes.

the problem with the new shoes i want is thta they are $35. now, i know that is not a lot to spend on shoes - or even sandals. but im used to shopping at cheaper places so that i can justify buying another pair of black heels. problem is they rarely have anything cool in my gigantuan size 10.

but ive been thinking about these sandals quite a bit for the past few days. which is odd for me. the me who hates spending money. the me who rarely buys things for only me.

maybe ill head over here first, then here first to scope out the cheap shoe shopping scene.

but that would require getting showered and dressed...