rhapsodic.org

am feeling depressed tonight. i

am feeling depressed tonight.

i dont do anything right, be it spooning curry into a bowl or training my dog.

tears flow too easily. when im depressed.
depression weakens the force field that holds them snuggly into place.

the size of my to-do list is overwhelming.
it presses down on me like a black shroud.
i have a large desire to complete the majority of the list.

and an equal desire to curl into a fetal position.

and cry.

i slept late today, and enjoyed the accompanied dreaming.
which reminded me that its been too long since ive updated.
sometimes i cant remember the details. that bugs me.
other times i cant find the time to record them.

too often, i feel the need to 'catch up' what i have neglected.
then avoid the increasingly-daunting task.

i need to quit taking on volunteer things.
at least im quitting my part-time job.

lettering the comic -- logo design/implimentation -- rt percussionist extraordinaire and co-treasurer -- its all just sapping the energy right out of me.

yet still, i feel depressed.

ive been sitting at the computer for over an hour doing nothing.
or aimlessly surfing. virtually synonymous.

semi-chatting with moe.
i should learn by now that she doesnt 'chat'. yet i miss her.

the sister with whom i would have long conversations.
with whom i would go swiming in the alaskan ocean every sunny summer afternoon.
for whom i would cheer my voice raw at a softball game.
for whom i cried at graduation.
for whom i love. who (i think... maybe) loves me.

blasted. im crying again.