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melissas moving

my sister is flying off to minnesota saturday morning.
shes actually moving to minnesota.

do you know how far away minnesota is from alaska?
2409 miles. 3877 km. 2093 nautical miles*.

too far, thats what i say.

she is the last of my parents six children to move out. with her moving, and going so far away, is making me think about my childhood.

of the room that we once shared yet will share no longer. of the closet stuffed with our toys and clothes with its home made adjustible dowel rod that could be moved higher as we grew, now empty. of whispering a little too loudly after bedtime. of singing the bear song to her. of innocence and fun.

as long as she was still in our old room, i had this connection to my childhood. the lovely part of my childhood. before i became aware of imperfections in my parents. before i noticed my dads alcoholism. before my hatred of him and my frustration with my mother.

before i abruptly grew up.

but now with that room in the house vacant at last, the opportunity for me to ressurect my innocent childhood is gone.

its not as if i would see her more often if she stayed in alaska. it would just be so much easier if i wanted to make a visit on a whim. and phone calls will actually be cheaper because they are out of state.

but minnesota is so very far. and shes my little sister. and i cant be as protective if shes too far away, but i get to be just as (more, even) worried about her.

all of this thinking is causing me to cry - something i rarely do. and even then its controlled. but not this time. i found myself crying before i left work yesterday. it snuck up on me.

but i guarantee that i will be standing in the anchorage airport saturday morning at 5.30, desperately hugging my baby sis, and bawling.