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i had believed that someone

i had believed that someone close to me could (and would, at some point) die - until it actually happened, that is. things like that arent supposed to happen.

(slightly) similarly, i guess i didnt truly believe that someone could become so emotionally stressed/overwhelmed that it effects them until i saw it happen to b a few nights ago.

he had gotten the rodeo stuck out four-bying (its not really four-bying unless you get stuck) - and then it died. and wouldnt start. 400 meters from anything resembling a road. not thinking about asking someone if he could use their phone, he walked the 2 miles (or so) to the apartment in the cold. the walking itself made his hip seize up pretty bad.

he spent all night long trying to find someone with a beefy enough 4wd vehicle to pull him out. i went to bible study while he continued to call around. no success.

when i got home he was asleep on the couch. i told him to take lots of advil for his hip and hop in bed. something important came to my attention, and i confronted him with it as he came out of the bathroom (think your mom asking where that white powder she found in your sock drawer came from).

he took his advil. he stared at the floor, his breathing became heavy and labored, he grabbed the stove for support. and then he blacked out. he came to and barely kept from upchucking.

i sat on the edge of the tub and cried for an hour while he hovered over the toilet and barely whispered two phrases: im sorry and i dont know.

nothing was resolved that night. he has some very important questions to answer before any resolution can begin.

until then, theres a lot of silence at our apartment. and ive found the couch is much more comfortable to sit on than to sleep on for three nights in a row.
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disclaimer:
he did not cheat on me. no drugs or alcohol were involved. nor was any illegal activity. this is not as serious as i make it out to be. we are not separating.
that should answer some questions.