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March 2003 Archives

i am 22 years old.

March 31, 2003

i am 22 years old.
that means...


right now if (a) i

March 29, 2003

right now if (a) i was in homer (shudder), or (b) had a four wheeler, i would so totally be out riding through the woods on and off trails.

if i could, i would be driving the small, relatively unsafe vehicle as fast as its little engine would go. i would feel the wind whipping over my face (but not through my hair for i would be wearing a helmet).

i would duck under low branches and tall pushki. i would be wearing long sleeves and pants because of my pushki allergy. i would be wearing actual shoes so as to not burn my feet on the engine.

i would probably roll the stupid machine on a bump on a hill - if i were in homer, it would be the same bump on the same hill on which i rolled it year after year. the same bump on which my oldest brother rolled the machine years ago.

and melissa would be with me. she, of course, would have the better and faster machine. but i would always have to start it for her when she flooded or killed the engine. and she would have to coax and convince me to go to the scary places.

i want a four wheeler.

ive been frighteningly productive this

March 29, 2003

ive been frighteningly productive this afternoon.

to help stop the vicious cycle, i am going to do my nails while surfing online. i know that multi-tasking is productiveness's evil tool, but how unproductive is surfing?

i hope i dont get polish on the keyboard... b would kill me.

apathy at its finest

March 29, 2003
Nothing seems worth doing, but it's not important. I've just been hanging out not getting anything done. Today was a loss. I just don't have anything to say these days. Oh well. I can't be bothered with anything.

-- the apathetic online journal entry generator

i hold to one ideal:

March 29, 2003

i hold to one ideal: perfectly shaped eyebrows.

but $10 a hot-wax-yank at the salon every other week is a bit much, especially for someone who hates spending money.

thats why i still bother with the whole body hair home removal thing. which is, on the whole, unpredictable.

the first three or five tries, nothing sticks to the little strip of fabric. only when i start to think the wax might be not hot enough, half of my eyebrow comes off in one fell swoop.

which hurts like no ones business.

but i keep trying to attain the eybrow ideal, all the while scaring little children, small animals, and occasionally my husband.

rss for the masses

March 28, 2003

i read an article a while ago about how the default rss templates for movabletype were lacking.

at the time, i had no idea what rss was, so i put it into the back of my mind. i have no idea why i even read the entire thing, but i did.

since ive now made the rss feeds public, i tried looking for that article. i could have swore it was at diveintomark, but the only article i found doesnt have the formatting i remember the article having... nor does it mention the two things i distinctly remember... and i dont remember it being quite that long ago. but its a good one, so ill link to it anyway.

but anyway, i changed a few things. and for the better, i should hope. tell me about bugs, opinions (cuz i know you got em), and what-not in the comments... it works fine for me in syndirella.

gone are the 20-word excerpt and the stripped-html option. instead you get the whole shebang post complete with links and formatting right there in your aggregator.

so for those of you who dont quite care for the new layout (cough), you can refrain from ever having to look at it. but i hope some of you will come back every once in a while just for the layout.

because, you know, you should.


March 28, 2003

Gawd-Awful Newsletter (GAN) time at work is over and done with this go around. and i didnt even commit suicide - i feel safe in saying this even though the entire project isnt quite done and there are still 4 hours left in today.

i cant understand how everyone even slightly involved with the newsletter process has to know 150% of the details about its content and layout and printing and font point before i can finish one step. and i dont understand why they think i need/want to know why their statistic was originally three numbers too low.

being in charge of getting content (much like either pulling teath or pulling from an arse), making the content fit in too small of a space, printing all 5000 double-sided sheets, and then making sure they get folded and stuffed is a little stressful.

this is why i tune out or snap at staff who talk for twenty minutes about the pros and cons of changing the colon to a semicolon.

i cant really be blamed. its the stress talking.
im glad im taking monday off.

sitting at my desk desperately

March 27, 2003

sitting at my desk desperately trying to remember a dream from last night, i put myself into a rem state in seconds. i didnt know i could do that, and am duly impressed.

whomp: there it is. i

March 27, 2003

whomp: there it is.

i will miss my girls a great deal, but it was time for a change.

ten twelve things i would

March 26, 2003

ten twelve things i would like to tell my 10 year old self (supposing anything i say wont make the universe implode):


i awoke to a half

March 26, 2003

i awoke to a half inch of fresh snow.
what happened to spring?

hopefully this is the one last fling with winter until october.

(oh yeah - and the cable modem is working again. woohoo!)

its Action You day! shhhhhhk!

March 25, 2003

its Action You day!

i added three more dreams

March 24, 2003

i added three more dreams that include lesbianism, midgets, and sand. but not all at the same time.

the cable modem at work

March 24, 2003

the cable modem at work bit the dust.
kicked the bucket. bought the farm. ist kaput. went to the big network in the sky. moved on to a better place.

it wont be fixed until wednesday morning at the earliest. this leaves me unable to post to the site, not to mention an entire business office without email or ebay.

its going to be a scary couple of days.

pirates are the new monkeys.

March 24, 2003

pirates are the new monkeys.
believe me.

if you dont want to believe me, believe steveo. and jr. and metameat and dek and pinkhairedgirl.

how can you not believe?

so where would one find

March 23, 2003

so where would one find prostitutes in this alaskan city called fairbanks?

not that im in need of one, you see. but it might be useful to know. you know - in case someone asks. or if a... friend... wanted to work a street corner.

i could tell you where to find them in pretty much any other alaskan town, but with fairbanks i am clueless.

there arent really appropriate street corners, and nothing resembling 'the strip.' its much too cold to stand outside in the winter. and its so hippy-esque up here that all massage parlors really only offer massage with no 'upstairs specials.'

are drunk bar sluts the only option up here?
i really want to know.

six months.

March 22, 2003

six months.

i bought this tank top

March 22, 2003

i bought this tank top at value village tonight that apparently is so dangerous that b would feel uncomfortably caveman-protective if i wore it outside the apartment.

sweet. i am teh hot sexor.


March 21, 2003

when the rain comes
third day


im swamped with idiotic demands

March 21, 2003

im swamped with idiotic demands and inadequate content for laying out this jock-itch of a newsletter.

but i thought id pop in and suggest everyone helps out the mirror project with getting a dedicated server. go on. go.

psst... three new mirror project

March 20, 2003

psst... three new mirror project submissions.

bad boys, bad boys

March 20, 2003

some major drug bust (or something) went down across the street from my apartment last night.

there were 7 cop cars all with their lights going crazy blocking off both roads (we live on a corner), and at least 10 officers.

there were people in a car with their hands up, cops pointing guns at the car and the house, people on their knees being handcuffed, and someone leaning out of the front door of the house wearing (perhaps only?) a bathrobe.

it was totally an episode of cops right out our kitchen window.

and what did we do? we proved our redneckishness by turning off the lights and opening the kitchen shade to get a better look. we talked crap about 'those people.' we seriously considered taking the dog out for a walk. and i called my brother.

makes me want to cry.

March 20, 2003

makes me want to cry.

the only war post ill make until (a) b is drafted or (b) iraq bombs alaska

March 20, 2003

stop talking to me about the impending war.
i do not want to hear anything political.

i do not watch television, and when i do it is most certainly not the news.
i do not read the newspaper.
i do not care.

so stop asking me if i saw, if ive heard, what i think. because i didnt, and i dont.
blah blah blah iraq blah.
stop wasting my time with it.

im pleading gen x on this one.

new blogging ap: soapbox. wooo-doggy.

March 19, 2003

new blogging ap: soapbox.
wooo-doggy. its sweet talking me.
i must check into it further whenever its released.

how to look incredibly busy:

March 19, 2003

how to look incredibly busy:
be standing by your desk with your hands full of papers, shuffling them.

bored bored bored. yup.

March 19, 2003

bored bored bored.

i cannot understand how the

March 19, 2003

i cannot understand how the three of you could get together without me to determine the newsletter schedule and not even once consider allotting time for meager things like layout and editing.

am i supposed to sneeze and all the content will plop right into their aesthetically-pleasing places?

rss feeds added. and there

March 18, 2003

rss feeds added.
and there was much rejoicing.

b and i went to

March 18, 2003

b and i went to chena hot springs saturday night.
this was at the butt end of the fierce wind storm we had last week, and the wind was still blowing pretty nicely, even if it wasnt 50mph like it had been earlier.

the good thing about the wind is that it was cold enough that our hair froze within a few minutes of being out of the water. which was awesome; i love that feeling. and the outdoor hot tub was comfortable when it should have been slightly unbearable at 104°F. i was able to stay in the water the entire time we were in that hot tub.

the bad thing about the wind is that it sucked all of the heat from the water up up and away. the outdoor pool was lukewarm (not to mention it had waves). and i windburned my face: its all peely and scaly and gross.

the fluxus project with which

March 17, 2003

the fluxus project with which i was involved has been compiled.

anna presents: fluxiness.

the rabid weasle with the

March 17, 2003

the rabid weasle with the squeegie stole my pants.

its past noon, and i

March 17, 2003

its past noon, and i just realized its st. pattys day.
dont tell anyone im not wearing green.

saying 'bad puppy' while giggling

March 17, 2003

saying 'bad puppy' while giggling is not very effective.


Hydrogen two-thirds of water a

March 16, 2003

two-thirds of water
a big part of all of us
and the bones of stars

periodic haiku is interesting for the chemistry geek and poet inside us all.
or at least inside me.

fluxus update

March 15, 2003

a fluxus update: at 10pm last night, the 'confidential' sign (in the baking aisle), the 'This way up' sign (on the beam in the meat area) and all but one of the 'this is beautiful' signs (on the doors of the frozen food aisle) were still attached.



March 14, 2003

anna at little red boat sent out a request on her blog for help with a performance art piece for a class she is taking. she decided to recreate a fluxus piece from the early 1960s.

i was the first one to volunteer, and i completed it this afternoon on my lunch hour (if you want to participate, here are her ideas).

ive given my contribution its own page so as to not clutter up the front page. give it a look.

another open letter / rant:

March 14, 2003

another open letter / rant:

i know that you and your printing company have worked with our company for a zillion years. i know that you are a christian, and support us through your consistent and large discounts toward all of our printing jobs. that is great, and thank you for everything.

but you really oughtnt complain about having to set up your entire machine to get us a print. yes, it costs you money to get all the ink and plates and everything set up for only one copy. but printing shops all over the world do this all the time for their customers - it saves having to reprint 4000 of something because the color/alignment is off.

also, you should not decide to change something that i, the designer, have given you because your way is 'right.' once something goes to you for printing, it has gone through hell and back to be approved. you do not have the authority to change something.

nor do you have the right to tell me that i am wrong when i call to complain. whatever happened to the customer being right? or at least being listened to? yes, it is a lot of work for you to reprint it. that is why you need to give proofs (see above).

i know you are disabled, and it is a miracle that you are still able to work. but when your eyesight starts going as well and you can no longer tell that you put too much red ink on the paper such that it now looks brown, i think you really ought to rethink working alone at the press. hire an apprentice, for crying out loud.

we are paying you to do printing jobs for us, and you giving us a discount does not entitle you to give us shitty products. i will not settle for upside-down-crap because your work is dirt-cheap.

when someone donates five boxes

March 13, 2003

when someone donates five boxes of makeup, one cannot help being girly.

a windows question: if you

March 13, 2003

a windows question:
if you were wanting to print out an expanded tree in windows exporer, how might you go about doing it? surely not by expanding the whole awfuil thing and then taking 40 screenshots of it to paste into photoshop, where you will then print it.

theres a 'print expanded tree' button somewhere, right?

moe party

March 12, 2003

as promised, damon, beth and i headed to kmart armed with a list of things to do, a camera, and tons of energy.

we spent two hours wreaking havoc in kmart, then an hour in fred meyer thinking about wreaking havoc.

we were not even close to being asked to leave, nor did we attract much attention. that was disappointing. but there was one worker who kept circling/hovering around the area� i thought for sure he was going to say something. but then last year it took a half hour for a worker at kmart to ask us to please not bring our dogs inside the store - i think kmart employees will allow quite a bit.

some highlights and pictures from the evening follow (all pictures will pop up):


staying up until 1am sounds

March 12, 2003

staying up until 1am sounds like a great idea at 10p and a really bad idea at 7.30a.
good thing the decision isnt made at 7.30.

happy birthday, moe.

March 11, 2003

happy birthday, moe.

pornolize not for the

March 10, 2003

not for the faint of heart, sexually naïve, curse sensitive, or my mother

my office looks so cool

March 10, 2003

my office looks so cool with three computers and a laptop all set up.
if only i could keep it like this.
and i werent actually troubleshooting three of them.

grooming the dog has always

March 10, 2003

grooming the dog has always been a nightmare. if you have never heard a dog scream, count yourself lucky.

she will lie still for the first 10 minutes, but from then on she is screaming, wiggling, jumping, jerking, scratching, and biting. im pretty sure she was abused before we got her, and i think her first grooming experience was a bad one.

she is always apologetic, and is scared of / mad at the scissors, not me. and dont even try to suggest to her that we use electric clippers instead.

her antics, my frustration and my use of creative full-nelson holds for a 10 pound miniature schnauzer causes grooming sessions to last well over three hours.

last time we were at the vet, i got some tranquilizers for her. last night was the first time we tried them. after a half hour on a quarter of a pill, she was tired, but still too bouncy - i gave her another quarter.

the good sides:
- she laid in my lap with her eyes closed the entire time, only moving from reflex.
- she only made a sound once... but i would too if someone was trimming my bung hair.
- she didnt have the energy to dispute my actions, and i was able to clip the hard spots (her back hips and her chest) with lightning-quick ease.
- complete grooming took only 90 minutes. perhaps next time well try the electric clippers, and ill put her on the counter instead of in my lap.
- she slept all night long.

the bad sides:
- being so completely relaxed from head to toe, her butt continuously emitted a foul odor. such a huge smell from a little dog.
- she didnt have the energy to stand or even sit up; trimming the beard with her head in my hand was more difficult than i had imagined.

the funny sides:
- she couldnt walk for hours afterwards; her legs were like lime jello with the pineapple chunks and everything.
- her eyes were a bit bloodshot.
- standing up would cause all of the blood to rush to her head, and she would collapse back down. standing was a bad idea.

praise God for tranquilizers.

happiness is giggling with your

March 8, 2003

happiness is giggling with your brother until 4am.

after cursing with freehand, illustrator

March 7, 2003

after cursing with freehand, illustrator is near orgasmic.

i finally added a link

March 7, 2003

i finally added a link to my mirror project submissions over there in the projects.

i love when b and

March 7, 2003

i love when b and the dog decide to play on the bed right before bedtime.

usually, i am already lying under the covers, though i have yet to remove my glasses.

b will snarl, growl, and blow air in her face, which prompts her to run cirlces around the bed, jump on top of me, and hide behind a tiny fold in the blankets.

or he will put his hand under the blankets and wiggle it around, getting her to attack the blankets and chew on the ribbon of the quilt my mother made by hand. he will then lift her up by said hand and toss her to the other corner of the bed. she rarely stops coming back for more.

or he will play hide and seek with her, crouching behind the bed, under the covers, behind the door, scaring her moments before she can see him.

she attacks him, he attacks her. all the while i lie there, acting as laceys 'home base' as it were - on top of me, she is safe (or so she thinks). and i love it. makes me feel like part of a family.

anyone want to get me

March 7, 2003

anyone want to get me a belated birthday present?

however, the thought of it reminds me of like the whole sea-monkey dissapointment i felt when i was 7. that wouldn't be cool at all.
i still want one.


this is the first morning

March 7, 2003

this is the first morning of the year in which i did not need to use headlights to drive to work. spring is here.

the fact that my windshield was so covered with frost and ice that i still could not see the road, is completely moot.

see what your website looks

March 6, 2003

see what your website looks like to a person with colorblindness.
mine actually does pretty good.

heres one of the best

March 6, 2003

heres one of the best sex talks ive ever heard.

much better, more honest and brave, than my parents handing me a set of 4 developmental books printed in the late 60s when i was around 12.

the only part of the books i really remember was that it was okay to dance with a guy who is shorter than you - the girl with the taller date didnt have any fun, but the girl with the shorter date had the time of her life.

by the time my mom decided it was "time she should know" about the whole sex thing, i was already quite knowledgeable - and not even squeemish. i probably could have detailed the entire thing in near-scientific terms (by which i mean 'penis and vagina' instead of 'peepee and bottom').

four older siblings are good for something.

i planned and rearranged my

March 6, 2003

i planned and rearranged my entire outfit today around a pair of shoes.
i am such a girl.

i woke up around 2am

March 6, 2003

i woke up around 2am with my glasses on.
i distinctly remember removing them when i went to bed at 11.

did i need to read something in a dream?

ever tried yawning while keeping

March 5, 2003

ever tried yawning while keeping your tongue touching the roof of your mouth?

i stretched/hurt my jaw something awful, and thats how ive had to yawn for the past three days.

completely unsatisfying.
go ahead and try it.

heh heh heheh heh*

March 5, 2003

heh heh heheh heh*

my office smells overwhelmingly like

March 5, 2003

my office smells overwhelmingly like fart.
it wasnt me, and i cant think of anyone who was just here.

while repairing microsoft office, an

March 5, 2003

while repairing microsoft office, an error:

Unable to install blah blah file. You may need to repair or reinstall it.

how to be a cam

March 5, 2003

how to be a cam whore in five easy steps.
im glad the model doesnt show us how to remove his clothes.

open letter

March 5, 2003

an open letter to my neighbors:

there are posted laundry hours for a reason. our landlords do not think it to be ungodly to do laundry after 10p and before 9am, but they do think it to be impolite.

i can see the emergency situation of you needing a clean uniform/outfit for work the next day, and other circumstances (forgetfulness/drunkenness/alien invasion) has prevented you from doing laundry during those hours posted.

i am fine with that.
but i cannot bring myself to believe that two loads at midnight and another two at 6am could fall under the emergency category.

you probably fail to realize that the washer and dryer sit against a wall that doubles for one of my bedroom walls.

every time the washer goes into a spin cycle, i wake up to its monstrous racket and find it to be jiggling my waterbed.

every time the dryer starts squeaking its loud, horrid squeak on every rotation, i think of the ways i could inflict torture upon you.

the methods are numerous.

please plan your laundry use such that it ends not much later than 10p and begins no earlier than 9am. for my sanity. and your safety.

alaska grown

March 4, 2003

very few of alaskan residents were actually born in alaska; i am one of those few.

apparently it has become a status thing among fairbanks high schoolers - proudly displayed by wearing an alaska grown t-shirt.

now i kind of want one.
is that terribly uncool?

my foot seriously itches. thats

March 4, 2003

my foot seriously itches.
thats the most interesting content i have.

i decided to come in

March 3, 2003

i decided to come in to work late today, considering the whole vomit issue. ive been sitting here staring at my monitor for the past hour thinking, 'why did i really get out of bed at all today?'

my arms are disconnected from my body about three inches above my elbows. my legs are also disconnected from my hips about mid-thigh. i can see my appendages - i can even make them move. its all i can do to hold onto a mug of hot tea.

i dont think they are really there.

i probably wont stay until 5p. id rather drive home during non-rush hour while feeling all puky and disconnected.

ever feel like youre consistently

March 1, 2003

ever feel like youre consistently towards the bottom of someones priority list? someone who is pretty high on yours?
just me then?

vomit. puke. whork. spew chunks.

March 1, 2003

puke. whork. spew chunks. hurl. wretch. pray to the porcelain god. barf. disgorge. throw up. upchuck. heave.

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Hi, I'm Valette

I'm a photographer based out of Anchorage, Alaska. I've recently become a wife, a stepmother, and a homeowner. Life is pretty awesome. You can email me anytime. Learn more...

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