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ten twelve things i would

ten twelve things i would like to tell my 10 year old self (supposing anything i say wont make the universe implode):

• hug melissa. even though you are jealous of her (which you really are) and she thinks youre fat, hug her tight. you really will love her dearly one day.
• continue to stand up for yourself. but dont be surprised when the time comes that you cannot save mom from going through a lot of crap - she must do it on her own, and she will change forever. you will know what im talking about when you get there.
• youre not fat, and you wont end up and old maid. your husband will be wonderful and will think you are beautiful.
• the accident and all of the events that transpire wont be your fault. really.
• pam and tina will ignore you after you get married; it will be your second heartbreak. i dont know what would change this, but maybe you will be able to think of something.
• believe mom when she tells you who you will marry. she is right more often than she is wrong, and this will be one of those cases.
• go swimming with melissa the day after her graduation. i know you have to get back on the road for fairbanks, but do it anyway.
• that 'friend' briar and her goonies are creepy and not your friends. stop hanging out with them before they trample you... that will be midway through the sixth grade. you had better get rid of them quick.
• go to the dances in junior high and dance with ryan.
• the summer after you get married, you will become so completely depressed that you wont know how or when you were ever any different. to prevent this, get a job. get out of the apartment. interact with people in real life. sign up for some fun classes on campus (anything that doesnt have the words 'calculus' or 'chemistry' in their titles).
• it may be too late, but in case its not: do not let mom give you a home perm. the chemicals will react with the iron in the well water and your hair will turn bright orange (when wet it will look like sewer). it will take years to grow out, and you will not cut the last of it off until you are 18.
• try your hardest to convince melissa to not move to minnesota. if she still insists, go with her to help her settle in. that way you will have to go to dinner with her and ryan - do not let them go for a romantic dinner alone the first weekend - and you cant fit three people on a motorcycle. take his truck instead. melissas life depends on it.