fuckzilla
October 1, 2003
The Ledgend of Fuckzilla
-or-
how we made melissa proud
- [picture 1: the mud]
on saturday the 20th, b, damon, our friend beth, and i went out 4-bying in our black isuzu - the isuzu that belonged to melissa. we tooled around the gravel pit, spun ourselves into a circular sand trench, tossed mud everywhere, drove (with minimal floating) through a lake, and discovered forgotten trails. - [picture 2: blocked]
[picture 3: blocked]
that night, damon, beth, and i drove around town and... ah... found numerous construction cones and signs. at one point we almost drove through an active construction area with a flagger with a car full of... acquired goods. and then we couldnt figure out how to turn the darned blinking light off.after a viewing of bio-dome (everyones favorite movie), we strategically placed the cones and signs in a manner such that a road was successfully blocked off.
to our knowledge, our barricade successfully deterred one vehicle. surely there were more that turned around, but we didnt hang around the scene very long. i drove by sunday afternoon and found all of the cones and signs had been neatly stacked along the side of the road.
- [picture 4: caution]
during our construction scavenging, we had lucked out in finding some CAUTION HAZARDOUS MATERIAL tape. we tried tying it across the entrance of the local dennys, but were confronted by the store manager. luckily, my quick-witted never-thinking mouth took over and i lied our way through it. he was completely baffled at our overwhelming boring-ness and walked away.so we decided to block off the overhead walkway to the high school. throw in a few fake orgasms, and youve got yourself a night.
- [picture 5: dance]
[picture 6: self photo]
the afternoon of the 22nd, damon, beth, and i got a bunch of miscellaneous wood from dumpsters and our own personal stash, and then headed out to the old gravel pits. it was a bit nippy, but we had our own ways to keep warm. - [picture 7: the base]
[picture 8: hammering]
[picture 9: balance act]
then we set out to build the bugger. we had no plan and no schematic - just a box of gigantic nails, a pile of mismatched wood, and our combined depressed energy. we managed to make a pretty sturdy base for the rest of our sculpture. some additional pieces had to be balanced very carefully. - [picture 10: sunset]
while we worked, the sun set and was extremely pretty. i kept dropping my share of the work on the others to go take pictures. and i think they were okay with it. - [picture 11: finished]
[picture 12: the other side]
[picture 13: top view]
we convinced damon to crawl on top of his car to balance the final ass-heavy piece on two extremely shaky 2x4s - but it sure did complete the sculpture. we christened our masterpiece "Fuckzilla" and stood in awe at its gravity-defying badness. our baby was about 12 feet tall and 5 feet wide. beautiful. - [picture 14: painted]
[picture 15: graffiti]
[picture 16: majestic]
then we got out the spray paint and graffitied to our little hearts content. at this point, it was getting cold and i could hardly feel my fingers. - [picture 17: sunset]
[picture 18: sunset]
the sun finally set and it was cold. butt-cold. pretty, but too darn cold. - [picture 19: innocent valette]
[picture 20: scary beth]
we had been working for a couple of hours thus far, and were chilled to the bone. of course, we didnt realize that until we hopped into the car to warm up. so we hung out and took crazy pictures of each other until beth got too scary. - [picture 21: fire]
[picture 22: fire]
[picture 23: fire]
[picture 24: fire]
[picture 25: fire]
[picture 26: fire]
[picture 27: fire]
after we were warmed up, we doused Fuckzilla with a gallon or so of gasoline and lit the sucker. the fire was pretty and i almost lost my shoe three times while tossing more gas onto the fire. when it was blatantly obvious that Fuckzilla was not suited for a bonfire, we had to haul out the entire Fairbanks Forest to pile at Fuckzillas feet. doused in gas once again and lit. the bugger was almost put out by a violent gale-force wind, but we had enough gas to keep it going. Fuckzilla Lives! beware its fiery wrath. - [picture 28: pick axe]
not quite satisfied with our level of destruction, we grabbed our trusty-dusty pick axe and tore it to pieces. at one point, i thought i was going to have to let the fire have the pick axe as some sort of sacrifice because i got the thing stuck. and it took a lot of effort to get the precariously-balanced and heavy piece on top to fall.
thus ends the legacy that is Fuckzilla.
