you bring your little snot nosed kid to my door, somehow bypassing our locked building entrance, and my dog will attack her like she is a real mouse.
and then i will give my dog a cookie for being the best little trained-for-ratting miniature schnauzer while, through your daughters eyes, you watch the psychiatrist bills pile up.
even though some family members are looking out for me, if it werent for computers automatically updating their time for daylight savings, my husband and i would never remember.
as it is, we only notice when its too late to plan accordingly.
i was talking with my mother over the phone during my lunch break today, and she had the audacity to tell me, "you didnt put that on your website!"
so here it is for the whole world and my mother to see:
last friday b did a triple lutz and double sow cow combination out of the back of his work truck onto the ground, all while carrying a frame-mounted interior door.
even though he got bonus points for the curse words that spew from his mouth (a lie), a few of his back muscles were quite unhappy with the situation and went on strike; he is a union man now, after all.
and everyone knows that unions are great at keeping their guys happy when they get hurt. he was promptly issued some vicodin, flexeril, and a buttload of ibuprofen, and then told to go home and rest.
and rest he did. for the past seven days i have made him sleep on the couch (the waterbed did wonders in seizing his back up) and forbade him to lift anything heavier than a spoon full of sugar to make that medicine go down.
in other words, he is going batty.
he will be back at work on monday, God willing and the creek dont rise.
Wins: 3
Losses: 1
Ties: 0
Fifths: 47
The Nauyans went against the Adak Cockroaches Tuesday night and came away with a 3-1 win.
It was a beautiful family reuinion of sorts, as many of the Nauyan fans are cousins to the Cockroaches. But the moment they stepped onto the ice, bot teams threw their liquor bottles to the crowd and got down to business.
The Nauyan mascot, the beloved kittwake Feathers, tracked those Cockroaches with steady eyes through most of the second period, when she made her move. She attacked those bugs as though her life depended on it. As it may as well have.
Both teams shrugged it off as 'gulls will be gulls,' and resumed the game with some slightly altered rules. The new 'rules' did not resemble anything this reporter has ever seen on the ice, but did involve an ear pull as seen in the World Eskimo-Indian Olympics.
The Nauyans will be resting at home for their next game against the Washington Insiders on November 2nd.
i missed the lunar eclipse last night, only to dream about it. rather, dream about me thinking i missed it, it appearing though the clouds, and me not getting my camera out in time before it was covered by clouds once again.
thankfully others were able to capture it.
last friday night i attended my first concert ever and had a blast.
the full blame of my depravity rests in the fact that i live in alaska, which may as well be siberia for all musical groups are concerned.
the few concerts we do manage to get in the state are for groups on their popularity deathbed and just wont seem to die. so what do they do with them? send em to alaska! that should kill their spirit right quick and in a hurry.
they are almost too embarassing to even mention. for instance: 98 degrees, carlson center, fairbanks, 2001. ozzy osbourne, sullivan arena, anchorage, 1996 and 2002.
i dont know exactly how it happened, but tree63, a christian band from south africa, just happened to make it to fairbanks for their 100th concert friday night.
and as it being my first and only concert experience, i feel justified in saying that it was great.
i had a friend who was stage security, and i promised to distract her with some miraculously beautiful cleavage as i dove onto the stage. only problem? the 300 pimply 10th graders who packed themselves against the stage like sardines.
so not only did i not get to [a] flash anyone or [b] dive onto the stage (and possibly receive a black eye from her elbow), i also did not get closer than ten feet from the stage for pictures.
a few pictures can be seen on my photolog, and you can even download my very own tree63 video (567kb, 12 second avi file).
id like to offer my services as a live-in cynic.
the price is good, and the sarcasm is dry.
Wins: 2
Losses: 1
Ties: 0
Fifths: 41 (would have been more if those bloody girls hadnt broked it all)
They Nanwalek Nauyans stomped on the Sunnyvale Chums last night in an effortless match that left fans wondering why the team even bothered showing up.
�We could have said �boo� from the stands and those guys would have hid under that palm tree,� Coach Kvasnikoff was overheard telling right wing John Taylor after the game.
At first the Nauyans were confused at the bright green grass and the sight of the Chums in shorts and knee-high socks. They quickly ascertained that the non-iced rink would greatly improve their balance, even with their skates still on.
The increased traction and skittishness of their opponents led to the easy 7-4 win.
The next game will be at home against another Alaskan BHL team, the Adak Cockroaches, and will be sponsored by the Alaska Marine Highway.
when you say it with the same inflection six times to six seperate people, it comes to have a poetic quality about it.
meat in the microwave?
my pharmicist roger looks suspiciously like steve buscemi; not an identical match, of course, but close enough to be his older brother or uncle or cousin or something.
how can i trust my legal drugs and the legal drugs of my loved ones to this man?
Wins: 1
Losses: 1
Ties: 0
Fifths: 34
In a surprising upset, the Anchorage Rockhoppers beat the Nauyans 4-3 on their home turf last night. Coach Kvasnikoff puts the weight of the blame on Ivan Qiss'nguaq, the team's left defenseman, who passed out ten minutes into the first period. With no alternate players to take over Qiss'nguaq's position, the team had to continue to maneuver around the body on the ice or else forfeit the game.
The team was, however, quite excited about their new playing area. Family members of the team shoveled out a nice flat surface on the beach yesterday afternoon, complete with waist-high berms akin to the walls of the fancy Anchorage rink.
The Nauyan's next game will be October 25 at the Sunnyvale Chum-Dome.
there is a new toy in my apartment, all shiny and new, our new xbox. and it scares the crap out of me.
first thing B does is pop in mortal combat. now, I have been known to whoop some butt on fighting games because all you have to do is push random buttons in random orders and ka-pow: total knock out.
More...if you send our organization a financial/high priority form printed in NOTHING but comic sans, you can be rest assured that it went immediately from my desk to my circular file for safe keeping.
a conversation over intercom two minutes ago:
co-worker: im on my computer, and its all in a different language. how do i get it back into english?
me: are you looking at your desktop or a program?
co-worker: its in publisher, and its saying really weird stuff, like 'loor-eem eye-pus-em drool-er'...
me: does it say 'lorem ipsum dolor sit'?
co-worker: yes! how can i read it all in english! i cant speak this freaky language.
Wins: 1
Losses: 0
Ties: 0
Fifths: 10
The Nauyans whipped up after the pansy penguins last night in what center Alexei Arnakua'gsak compared to "taking vodka from a baby."
The 5-2 win can be partially credited to the spacious pee-wee rink provided by the Rockhoppers that thoughtfully included walls. The walls were amazingly helpful to the Nauyans in keeping the puck in the rink.
Hopefully this first win will motivate the team enough to acquire an equally adequate rink for their first home game on Thursday.
i and the rest of fairbanks woke to two inches of snow the perfect consistency for snowballs. the morning on which i had planned to wear heels. which, coincidentally, makes the roads a little slick (the snow, not the heels).
you would think that a population that lives 8 or 9 months of every year in the snow and below zero temperatures would remember how to drive in the snow. and then you would be wrong.
there are generally two different kinds of people on the road in this kind of weather: [1] those who forgot about the snow and decide to drive 5 miles an hour in both lanes the whole way through town, and [2] those who forgot about the snow and dont change their driving speed or style in any way from that of summer.
interestingly enough, both of these driver archetypes always end up in the ditch and smashed into each other at intersections.
thankfully i will not be one of them.
Having just realized that the first hockey game starts tonight at 9.30, the Nauyans are currently boating over to Homer and plan to catch the 6.30 flight to Anchorage.
In preparing to open a can on the sissy Anchorage Rockhoppers, fans can join the Nauyans in singing their theme song, Me Like Hockey by good friends of the team, the Arrogant Worms.
Fans can check out the Nauyan season schedule and purchase season tickets at the Harbor Master's office or the Post Office counter in the General Store. Help our team prove which annoying bird rules the Alaskan skies.
the five most common scenes for my dreams:
photo suggestion 3: the tallest building in fairbanks.
as suggested by maker.
somehow i got roped into being a part of the blogospheric hockey league, home of the Best Hockey on teh Intarwebnet. i will be participating with a whole bunch of highly talented writers who will all be making fun of their opponents.
and believe you me, i can dish out burns with the best of em. have you not met my family? the 'we make fun of you because we care' family motto? the 'if your skin isnt as thick as a hide yet, wait until we get our sharp sarcastic teeth out of you' family? oh yes, i can hold my own.
i would like to introduce to you the wonderful Nanwalek Nauyans with a brief history of the team.
nanwalek is a tiny villiage on the mouth of the alaskan cook inlet, located about 35 miles southwest of Homer. it was originally a russian trading post in the mid-1800s; residents are a mixture of russian and alaskan native geneology.
most of the alaskan natives living there speak sugtestun, but that did not limit the team from choosing the nauyan (inuit for "gull") as their team mascot.
hopefully over the season i will keep you updated with the teams progress. any post made about them will have a picture of their mascot (as above) to make it super easy to skip any of those posts.
guacamole with pomegranite seeds
pomegranate juice and jelly
how to de-seed a pomegranate
and more pomegranate recipes
sometime in the past few weeks, pbs changed its afternoon schedule and did not once consult me.
it used to be a nice happy blend of berenstein bears at 11.30, mr. rogers at 12, and then some little animated chinese cat thing at 12.30 that i didnt love but still needed to know how it ended. it was nice. it was happy. and it was a nice happy afternoon escape from the office.
but now?
now there is teletubbies. lots of giggling and brightly colored teletubbies. and then comes sesame street, which is okay, but its not the sesame street of my childhood, therefore ultimately inferior.
it leaves my lunch breaks at home completely unfulfilled.
photo suggestion 2: the oldest building still standing in fairbanks.
as suggested by maker.
it took quite a bit of researching to determine which building was the oldest. the mayors office did not know. neither did the chamber of commerce or the visitors center. the historic society did not return my call. my boss? he knew.
i just spent 45 minutes strolling through downtown oohing and ahhing at the old buildings while the sun got dangerously close to setting and all of the dark clouds exited stage right.
it was warm enough to not need to zip up my jacket and still bright enough to need my sunglasses. my cheeks are tingly and my denim-clad thighs are cold.
what more could a girl want?
we finally joined the ranks of the new millenium and are now a one-cellphone family.
all of my brothers and their wives have cell phones; all of his sisters do as well. heck, my mom has even had a cell phone for a year two years and his mom has had one for a few years.
addedum: i just found out that even my grandparents have had a cell phone for some time. how lame are we?
with his job change, he could be anywhere on a given workday: in the shop, numerous worksites around town, even at fort grealey. or he could be sent to valdez for a few weeks (heaven forbid). with a cell phone, i know that i can get ahold of him whenever i want to.
and so, if anyone wants to know the cell number, send me an email promising to make all kinds of prank calls, and i will pass the number along.
a night at the roxbury soundtrack is the perfect pick-me-up cd. and if you havent seen the movie, then get to it.
i am a wife
i am a lover
i am a sister
i am a daughter
i am an aunt
i am a comfy pillow
i am a cook
i am a friend
i am a comedian
i am a writer
i am a teacher
i am a role model
i am a go-getter
i am a web designer
i am an administrative super heroine
i stood in the shower two mornings ago while the lyrics ran through my mind.
i mused how those lyrics have been able to bring me to tears every single time i had heard/sung/thought them in the past two years, and how i used those lyrics many times to push the tears from my eyes and onto my cheeks.
then i realized that i was humming along with the lyrics in my head and, more importantly, was not crying. i was sad to let that part of me go, but also excited to find (somewhat) tangible proof that, indeed, my heart is healing.
during my lunch break the radio in my car played the other song that has never failed to make me weep during the past to years. it is about having been someones caretaker, a role i played in her life many times. she needed me, and i needed to be needed.
it instantly brought to the forefront my revelation that morning.
i am healing.
and yet.
on an awful sunday night two years ago, that role i played for most of my life was taken from me. i was no longer needed the same way she needed me time and time again.
i do not know who i am if i am no longer anyones big sister.
More...I LIKE ANGELINA JOLIE
DOES ANYONE ELSE LIKE ANGELINA JOLIE
SHE HAS REALLY BIG LIPS
when the work day starts with an extended Staff-Meeting (read aloud with finger quotes) at a nearby coffee house, the day is going to be way less productive than usual and will most likely include slightly related in-depth conversations about breast-enhancing excercises and how to properly spider-web-i-fy someones office.
in other words, a great day.
its easier to tell someone 'no' through email - or even a contact form - than it is over instant messaging.
what pictures would you like to see posted here? things around my apartment, around fairbanks, around the office, what have you.
you can suggest just about anything, but no, i will not be posting my boobies. have you not heard that my husband is bearded, muscle-bound, and protective?
post a comment and i will choose some or all of your comments to tackle as a scavenger hunt.
i spent all day drooling through the parade of homes. houses #10 and #12 were by far the best and most expensive. now all i need is to find me a few hundres thousand dollars, and this too could be mine.
but the day also served to remind me how much i miss having my brother in town; i did the parade with him last year.
see, ive been super busy.
with... stuff.
thats right, stuff.
fer instance, i moved my brothers site over to my dreamhost account so that he can do fancy things like actually running cgi scripts without battling the evil that is the 500 Error. which, of course, was slightly more difficult than planned because of user error.
also, my direct supervisor decided she wanted a closer look at all those hurricanes on the east coast for a few weeks, so i have a slightly larger workload than im used to.
and then my talented husband got a new job a month or so ago and just yesterday was promoted to glazier assistant apprentice and we are all sorts of excited.
I'm a photographer based out of Anchorage, Alaska. I've recently become a wife, a stepmother, and a homeowner. Life is pretty awesome. You can email me anytime. Learn more...
Olive wants a pet pika. https://t.co/SbVCYLe3R7 13 hours ago
Mitzi is learning her fractions. http://t.co/TmYUynWECo 16 hours ago
This doesn't look like making me a sandwich. http://t.co/CoNOfeb1zZ 16 hours ago
I was just shooed out of the kitchen which is good because I always burn grilled sandwiches. #reubens 16 hours ago
It's snowing again. http://t.co/wnCDTzAsVp 18 hours ago