Depleted
I have this weird tendency to use things until they are 95% depleted and then never touch them again. I do this with all kinds of different things: candles, pens, pads of paper, leftover dinner.
I feel the need to 'save' them because I cannot bear to see them completely gone, to throw them away.
Sitting in my office right now is: a large Vintage Merlot (trademark) candle with 3mm of wax (I do not know if that is enough to keep it lit because I refuse to light it and find out -- if it doesn't burn then I have to throw it out); a small pad of graph paper with three pieces still attached; a pink and a lime green pen with negilible amounts of ink; In Case of Emergency chap stick that I am guarding with my life.
Larger things I can throw away. Actually, I can get rid of just about anything else. Just not these small items I love to use. And I'm okay with this.
But I wonder if I would be able to let these little things go had Melissa not died.
2 Comments
Valette?
No. You'd still be a mini-packrat. That's a little like saying "I wonder if I'd have burnt my toast this morning if she were still here." or "I wonder if it'd still be 3:00 if she were here."
It's unrelated. Well, unless she liked to only use the last 5% of something, which is really kind of gross when you think about the chapstick.
But I am a much different person emotionally now than before she died. Her death changed my life in drastic and minute ways. I do not remember needing to keep two drops of ink in every pen I bought before then, and so maybe this is another effect of her death.