Over the Shoulder

If you or a loved one wears a boulder-holder (aka tit-slinger, aka brassiere) for any business / recreational / everyday purposes, I cannot stress nearly enough the need to get those puppies measured and fondled by a cute woman with an Eastern European or Russian accent who has been trained in such delicate matters.

I’m not talking about the sleazy broad flipping through a magazine behind the counter at your local adult entertainment store, with whom you should not be on a first-name basis. She may feel you up, but I guarantee you would not like it.

I mean a reputable place of style and class, where attendants do not wear carhearts or plaid hunting hats. Places that are very, very, extremely difficult to find in Alaska.

I found my cute Russian wife lingerie attendant at Nordstrom’s.

Not only did we engage in a bit of bondage in the far back dressing room with her measuring tape, but I also found out that I was wearing the wrong size, a trait that I not only knew about but also a trait I share with most other women.

Most likely, the bra you wear is too large of a band size and too small of a cup size. The majority of the weight should be supported by the band, not the straps. If your straps dig into your shoulders, or if your underwire does not sit flush against your side (behind the swell of your breast), or if your breasts make your back hurt, then you are wearing the wrong size. Get thee to a lingerie store for immediate assistance.

After determining my proper size within 3.2 seconds of computing time, my cute Russian attendant ran all over the lingerie department for me grabbing different styles and colors and sweet, sweet underpinnings that you could just lick right there on the rack.

They forced me to take five beauties home because I drooled all over them. It put a dent in the budget, but it is more than worth the hefty price to ensure my ta-tas are secured and presentable. And now I can have others drool all over me while in them.

Which is the point, n’est pas?

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There’s a support group (of sorts) over on Waspi Square, where this sort of issue is dealt with.

As my wife will also attest, it’s best to have a few well fitting garments, then a ton of ill-fitting ones, and you do get what you pay for. They’ll last for years.

the worst i had was when i gained a bunch of weight then lost it all. i discovered that the only store around here that carries the specific size i need is Victoria’s Secret. pricey, but as we all agree, well worth it for a well fitting undergarment.

So if one, say, *didn’t* wear an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, but one still wanted said Russian goddess to feel him up with a measuring tape… heh. Nevermind.

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