October 2006 Archives
October 26, 2006
I walked out the door of my job for the very last time at the end of September. At the same time, that very same day, I walked out on my husband.
I can't pinpoint the moment my marriage fell apart. I can recall many events and instances and fights full of silence over the past few years, evidence that my relationship was more than in trouble. But no one particular thing made me thing, "A-ha! This cannot be salvaged!" It was a slow and steady downward spiral.
I should have left sooner, before I was taking every opportunity to bitch about my job and my marriage. Before I stopped being able to find anything nice about them. But I wasn't ready to leave. As long as there was one tiny good thing about my job, about my marriage, I had a glimmer of hope that everything would all get better, that I was just going through a "rough patch."
If I just tried a little harder, put more time and energy into it, changed some other little part of myself, my professional and personal life would stop sucking my soul dry.
Things didn't get better, and I came to realize that they never would; there were no tiny good things left to sustain my hope. No matter what or however many times I changed, the other variables in the problematic equation refused to change or even acknowldge that they needed to.
I don't wish him any ill will, I don't wish him harm. I'm just finished waiting for him to grow up and realize there are two individuals in a relationship.
And so I am moving to Anchorage. The ties that were keeping me in Fairbanks are gone (or soon will be), and Anchorage gets me closer to my family.
I have some moving to be done.
October 23, 2006
Killer peed on my bedspread not a half hour ago.
I had just pulled it out of the dryer and remade the bed because his cute yet grumpy dog peed on it last week.
Wouldn't it make more sense for him to urinate on something of mine? Something that smelled like me and my dog instead of something that not only belongs in my mom's house, but also just came out of the laundry?
I thought he wouldn't dare pee on the bed while I was in the room, but I was wrong. Oh, so wrong.
October 18, 2006
My parents have internet tubes! Large ones! Of the high-speed DSL variety!
This is the way the internet is supposed to be.
October 16, 2006
This last weekend in Homer was much nicer than the previous.
Yes, the previous weekend had four-wheelers and mud and cabins at lakes miles away from power lines, but there were also gale force winds. And rain. And trees falling within inches of pickups. And waves washing over the Spit.
But this past weekend? There was sunshine and blue skies and low tide in the middle of a Saturday afternoon. It was so nice I almost wanted to jump into the water. If Melissa had been with me, she would have talked me into it.
I beachcombed on the Spit for a few hours on Saturday with my camera and the dog. Oh how much Lacey loves being in Homer, being able to run without the hindrance of a leash.
And I always forget how fast that little dog can be. I look up after two seconds of taking some macro photo only to see her what looks like miles down the beach with no intention of slowing down. At that point, all I can do is hope that she will turn around and head back toward me without meeting another dog.
She did meet another dog a ways down the beach, too far for my yelling to reach her. She was cordial, said her hellos to the husky and its owner, then turned back for me with the husky right behind.
Once she got back to me she decided she should be scared of the big dog, so she barkbarkbarked her little heart out while trying to climb up my legs.
My dog is such a tease.
It was so wonderful to wander around the beach, perusing the high tide line, picking out pretty shells and rocks and thinking of doing that for my mother when I was a child. Finding the pelvic bone, above, was a nice surprise that I had to keep.
Anyone have any ideas for a tiny pelvic bone?
I continued down the boardwalks, all closed down for the winter now. I am sad that the Glacier Drive-In is closed, because I could use a chocolate peanut butter shake three times a day.
The harbor is also very quiet with very little activity. Everyone is ready for the winter here, and we are just waiting for it to hit. I hear Fairbanks has gotten some snow to stick finally; it's about two weeks behind schedule.
There are more pictures of my beachcombing and of the Homer harbor at Flickr; I'll be adding more photos to the set for the rest of the month.
October 9, 2006
I spent the weekend with my brother, Rodney, out at his cabin on Caribou Lake. Which, if one considers the rual-ness of Homer, is basically out near Nothing, close to Nowhere. It's, I don't know, 15 miles from Homer city limits? 20 miles? There are other cabins nearby, but nothing really within shouting distance.
All electricity powered by generators, no telephone or cell service, and no running water. But there is a pump-powered shower (the water of which needs to be heated on the wood stove), a flushing toilet (the water of which gets poured into the tank with a bucket), a DVD player, and decks of cards.
What more could anyone need?
We headed out on ATVs, he on his new four-wheeler and I on his wife's six-wheeler because she is out of town (thanks, Jen, it was a smooth ride, and I can't get it stuck in anything), his dog in the back of the six-wheeler and my dog in my coat.
Once the bumpy and muddy ride was over, Lacey looooooved it out at the cabin. Not only were there new squeaky toys to play with, but also tall grass to run through unhindered by a leash and large swans to bother.
Oh, how she tried to bother the swans. I don't think she even realized she was swimming in the lake; her mind was preoccupied with one objective: Death To All Swans. When she realized her attempts at getting them wern't even ruffling their feathers and her barking calmed to a low growl, the swans started honking at her and getting her going all over again.
And I forgot how physically taxing it can be to ride an ATV; my back and shoulders are going to hurt for days I just know it. But I might go back out with them next weekend.
October 4, 2006
Having braved snow flurries, icy roads, gale-force winds, and buckets of rain, I am safely in Homer. Didn't mean to worry everyone, but I did survive driving under the speed limit. But just barely.
I have so far been spending my time watching hours and hours of television, avoiding taking a shower or changing from my jammies, letting the dog outside again even though she was just out twenty minutes ago, listening to the rain, reading, and fighting off a UTI.
Which is the best possible way to start my unemployment, I think.
I have been avoiding much of the interwebnet since I got to Homer because, Hello 26.4k connection! I don't really have the attention span to be checking my email when there is another episode of Project Runway on.