Birthdays and Gateway Drugs

My niece turned nine yesterday and I went over to John and Heidi’s after work for the birthday party. Only when I showed up there were no screaming children, no wrapping paper torn asunder, and no plates full of sugar.

Naturally, I assumed I had gotten the date wrong (but then it isn’t every day one’s niece has a birthday and I’m not the terrible kind of aunt who forgets things like that) (I’m just the terrible kind of aunt who forgets to do anything about it). Turned out I was just early — the Sargeant family showed up and chaos reigned.

One of the Sargeant kids kept trying to get everyone to play bingo with him — what kind of kids toy is bingo, anyway? — but everyone else was more interested in the ice skating rink in the back yard.

Instead, the persistent child decided Lacey would play bingo and, by golly, she would like it.

So he gave her a card, placing it gently on the arm of the couch right at her feet. As he dropped plastic bingo balls from the plastic bingo cage, he called out the plastic bingo number and congratulated Lacey whenever she got one.

“B7. B7! You have that one! Good job, Lacey!”

My dog? She won bingo against a 10-year-old. Next thing I know she’ll be addicted to the game, setting up a collection of troll dolls and lighters. And then? Golf. Because everyone knows bingo is the gateway drug for golfing.

Won’t somebody please think of the puppies?

09 December 2006 · 10:47:02

5 love notes

How dare you use the name of golf in vain! And to think Lacey could be good at it too! I’ve personally seen many a fox out on the links practicing their craft.

love, Ken at 09dec06, 18:19:37

okay, could not stop laughing. poor, poor addicted lacey.

love, beth at 10dec06, 13:29:10

Okay, that was silly. Even our mom laughed out loud.
Is their a bingo addicts anonymous group out there for addicted dogs? I’m sure you can find one! I know there’s a flat earth society web site for people who believe the lunar and Mars landings were all a big governmental hoax, and there’s a web site for people who want to order a dodo bird… Surely there’s a canine bingo addicts anonymous web site…

love, Rebecca at 10dec06, 15:47:22

I know - I’ve been a bad influence. Pizza crust AND bingo! Next thing you know, she’ll be drinking a guiness!


love, john at 10dec06, 16:37:14

Ohmygawd STOP FEEDING MY DOG.

love, Valette at 11dec06, 13:40:31

leave me a love note


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