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August 2007 Archives

The Eating Habits of a Gremlin

August 29, 2007

I am still processing photos. I am slow. This is because: 1// I want to have the Sunlight Experience that will not kill me like it will in Las Vegas; 2// I have the attention span of a flee; 3// over 600 photos! I'm not kidding!; and 4// I'm shooting a lot of portraits for a project at work (see: points three and four here) and there's a ton of those to wade through as well.

Until I can get all of those shots up, and since my coworker is sure I cannot stop talking about my stupid dog already, let's talk about my stupid dog.

While Steve and I were off cavorting in Gay City, California and Sin City, Nevada, Lacey took a vacation at John and Heidi's house.

Lacey hates and loves their house, because while there are always three million screaming children that want to chase her and pick her up and put her in doll clothes and yippy dogs that have tried to pick fights with her, the abundance of food on the floor and the large back yard make up for it.

And also she gets to drink beer.

Actually, now that I'm thinking this through, maybe driving four hours to my mom's house for dogsitting would be a much better plan the next time I go out of town.

I did notice pretty quickly that she came home with some bling and a new nickname, proving that the partying had been heavy:

Very Serious Gremlin

When we all got home, she laid down on the bed and would not get up for anything. She's used to napping the 8 hours I'm at work every day, and then she needs a nap or two in during the evening, plus a full night of beauty sleep.

I doubt she got that much sleep at John's what with all of the screaming kids and inches of back yard to sniff and neighbor dogs to bark at.

I put food in her bowl, but she didn't even want to think about food. The food was still there the next morning, and she wouldn't touch it for dinner or even before bed the next day.

I could tell she was hungry and she kept asking for food, but she wouldn't touch the food in her dish. I chalked it up to her having too much beer and pizza at John's, and I told her if she didn't eat the food I gave her then she will starve. Because I am mean like that.

But then she woke me at 4am by vomiting bile all over the carpet, just inches from the linoleum. Schnauzers do this when their stomachs have been empty for too long. And Valette gets grumpy when the sound of retching interrupts a dream.

So the next morning I threw out her food and made a huge show of putting new food into her bowl, oooh yummy breakfast! Foood! Yuuum! and made myself feel like the biggest retard for the huge show about a little scoop of dry dog food.

She put her head down and grabbed a piece of food and I raised my arms in triumph. I have outsmarted a tiny dog! My mental capacities are twice what hers are!

But then her new name tag hit the side of her metal bowl and made a horribly loud CLANG! She jumped back, looked at me, at the food, at me, and whined.

The dog is ascared of the sound her collar makes on her dish.
But her new tag is so cute.
So I caved.

She is now eating out of a plastic bowl.

Maybe I should try her on the pizza and beer diet, because she lost a bit of weight while I was gone. Maybe I should try the pizza and beer diet for myself.

Jiggity Jig

August 26, 2007

I'm back in Alaska with it's humane temperatures, minimal traffic, terrible public transportation, and un-groomed nature.

I don't think I can tell you just how much I love Alaska after spending a week in real and actual cities, unlike Anchorage that prides itself for its "metropolitan-like appearance."

I'm busy plodding through over 600 photos (thank God I picked up an extra 2gb memory card, because my first 4gb was not enough), unpacking, deciphering my daily (hand-written) travel slash travel-dream log (stuck in an airport? not catching my plane? golly, what does that dream mean?), washing approximately 16 loads of vacation laundry, and wondering why there isn't any food in the house.

No, seriously, why is there nothing to eat?

I am also spending a lot of quality time with my bed and my dog. Mostly at the same time, because I don't think Lacey got any sleep at John and Heidi's, despite all of the beer I'm sure she consumed.

My Flight Leaves In Four Hours

August 17, 2007

What am I forgetting?

Summertime Will Be a Love-In There

August 15, 2007

I rode six miles on my bicycle tonight, following the Campbell Creek Trail to its end. It started raining on my way back, but even so I managed to remain on my bicycle and vomit-free the entire way up the giant hill at the end of the route.

Tonight's bicycle ride

There may be hope yet.

When I got home the dog farted on me twice and then sniffed her hiney, completely admitting to full blame. Unlike other people I know whose name begins with an S and ends in a Fart-o.

On my way to the shower to de-sweatify, I nearly electrocuted myself with exposed wire on the electric clippers. Which, honestly? If you've never tried electric shock? I'd recommend against it.

"I'm throwing these away, and there's nothing you can say that will stop me. Look! Exposed Wire! OMG"
"I never noticed that before."
"Yeah, me neither. Until I just burned myself."
"Did you get burned, or shocked?"
"Burned. I think. Don't they feel the same anyway?"
"Are you feeling jittery?"
"Well, yeah..."
"I think you should sit down."
"I think I should sit down."

But surprisingly, I am not in a bad mood! In fact, this is the opposite of a bad mood.

And do you know why?
Let me give you one word to sum it up:
VACATION.

Steve and I leave Friday night for San Francisco where we will not be renting a car because his directions ("hey, um, where are you going?" "where you told me to go." "but you just drove passed where we want to be." "then why didn't you tell me that?" "why didn't you know?" "omgwtf." "women are so dumb." "I hate men.") will make me shoot him and then stab myself in the eyeball, making cornea donation impossible.

Please support organ and tissue donation, and have your animals spayed or neutered.

Instead of a rental car, we will be relying on public transportation and my brother to chauffeur us around, because really, what else are siblings for? This is not an optional thing, because I will whine to Mom and he will be in trouuuuble.

We have every spare minute planned, there are calendars and schedules and tickets and sunscreen. The only thing that will be missing from this trip that was present on my last trip is the hundreds of naked homosexuals.

I still expect to find opportunity to wear my fishnets, however.

After San Francisco we will be heading to Sin City Las Vegas for three whole days and two whole nights. There will be gambling and seeing old friends and Cirque de Soleil and hookers and blow.

Just one more full day at work.

One more day, and I can put this whole being electrocuted thing behind me.

Mango Salsa of Yum

August 13, 2007

2 mangos
4 tomatoes
2 bell peppers
1 small onion (or 1 bunch green onions)
6 jalapeños (or 12 pepperoncinis) (or a mixture of both, depending on how hot you want it)
1 clove garlic, minced
the juice of 2 lines
2T warm honey

Chop all of the fruit and vegetables. Throw them in a bowl. Mix with lime juice and honey. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Add red pepper or pepper seeds for more heat.
Add cilantro, if desired.

Eat half of the bowl with tortilla chips or Fritos while losing $3 at poker. Curse Steve for beating your high full house with a low four-of-a-kind. And your straight with a higher straight.

Make him buy lunch the next day. Think about the mango salsa left over in the fridge.

Lucy Lettuce

August 9, 2007

Part of my job at the state's tissue bank is to keep in contact with the families of tissue donors through the first year after their loved one's death. I help facilitate letters and phone calls and special donor medals and certificates along with grief support materials.

We have a very large library of grief resources that we provide to families free of charge. During some of my down time, I like to browse through the library and read snippets of this book and that.

Sometimes I end up nodding my head and saying, "Yes, yes," remembering going through similar experiences after Melissa died, and knowing that this information would have helped me then and would probably help someone else.

Sometimes I end up crying, remembering the incredible weight constantly pressing down on my chest until I thought I would cease breathing altogether after Melissa died.

Sometimes I end up crying for the baby I almost thought I could have had.

But sometimes, very rarely, I come across a gem.

A book that has been gathering dust, unused and untouched for months, years.

Such is the case of Lucy Lettuce, designed to help children describe what grief feels like.

But really, it is perhaps the most ridiculous thing I have ever read, completely inappropriate for anyone fresh with grief. I can imagine this book traumatizing some poor child whose parent just died.

I knew immediately that it was the kind of thing the Internet would need to see.

Continue reading Lucy Lettuce...

Four Point Friday Update

August 3, 2007

1// My coworker and conspirator Jeff got some nerd injury to his eye from foam swords Sunday rendering him half-blind for a good while (am going to let that sink in for a bit: Foam sword. Eye injury. Temporary blindness.). His doc told him to do nothing but sit and contemplate the sound of a whisper while not moving his eyes around at all. Which meant that I got to do all of his work this week. Normally I'd be happy to do it because, crazily enough, I enjoy being busy. However, this was a bad week for his nerd injury because...

2// The CEO is going on two business trips starting Tuesday, and will be gone for two weeks. The week he gets back I will be in California. Add in this week, and I had to prepare four weeks worth of work for him to approve and sign. Because of this, one would think my next two weeks would be extremely slow and boring. However, this will not be the case because...

3// I've taken on this long-stagnant resource guide project and am pushpushpushing for a September print. I've got the first draft of verbiage ready for someone else's eyes and have almost gotten the grid layout done. I've been working with two coworkers on getting people interested in having their photo taken for this resource guide, and we have gotten an overwhelming response. So overwhelming, in fact, that I'm, well, overwhelmed. Add this to...

4// The business picnic that we had this afternoon that I helped prepare and the cocaine-laced mocha my supervisor bought me first thing this morning. Which led to conversations at 300mph and COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT about this photography thing I've gotten myself into. Which was fine as some nebulous "future" thing, but now it's more like "next week" and I had a huge dose of FREAK OUT that I vomited all over Flickr groups today.

I have absolutely nothing planned for the weekend.
I hope to keep it that way.

Additional Content

Hi, I'm Valette

I'm a photographer based out of Anchorage, Alaska. I've recently become a wife, a stepmother, and a homeowner. Life is pretty awesome. You can email me anytime. Learn more...

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