Five Indications The Dog Is Drugged To Perfection
1// Head mass increases exponentially. This is best seen by the refusal to lift her head when her name is called. And lifting it very, very slowly when Squirrel is squeaked, only to decide it's too much work to hold such a heavy thing off the soft, soft couch.
2// Drunk-like inability to walk in a straight line, stopping partway to her destination to test the usefulness of the carpet as a pillow.
3// Constant farting. Not just A Lot of farting, because she's a dog and that's what dogs do: dogs fart, sniff their butts, and then flee the room quickly and silently before any humans smell it. I'm talking a steady eeking of gasses from the behind.
4// The floor keeps moving. Why won't the floor stay where she put it?
5// Low center of gravity. Extremely low. The try to scratch an itch, fall over and hit her head on the chair, then decide it's best for every part of her body to be touching the ground kind of low.