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Surprise! I Have Body Issues!

I've been having "issues" with working out since the weather turned cold-ish and riding my bicycle was no longer an option.

(The "ish" exists because temperatures in the 40s and all of the rain took all of my lovely snow away. No snow for Thanksgiving makes me sad.)

"Issues" could be described as not really working out at all. Or sometimes if I have the apartment to myself. Which is Friday nights, and some Sunday mornings.

Steve would describe these issues as "completely freaking out for no reason whatsoever and not allowing" him "to be in the apartment when she works out because she is crazy." Which would be true, except for the crazy part.

There's just something about flailing my body about in the comfort of my own living room that brings out every insecurity in me. No one is allowed to watch me and I so mean it kthx.

I had gotten some coupons for free week trials to a few gyms in the area, but I wouldn't go try them because of similar "issues". My Physical Education experiences in school were... less than stellar. And I imagined a gym exactly like my PE classes only without a weekly scheduled mile to run that I never did faster than 12 minutes.

I imagined gym-goers as svelte, tan, and snobby.

I imagined disapproving looks toward my non-size-4 self getting non-size-4 sweat all over their fancy equipment.

I imagined the svelte being annoyed that I didn't know how to use any of the equipment, and being pushed out of the way so the svelte could use it.

I imagined, and I imagined, and lo! Anxiety doth darken the step of thy door!

But tonight, Steve and I signed up for a gym. We gave them our souls, they gave us locker assignments. We worked out, and I survived.

The best part about this gym is that absolutely no one there is svelte. And so far no one has shot disapproving glances my direction, but I haven't yet tried the strength training equipment.