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What Pretty Pink Eyes

Never to let one of my brothers show me up, I saw his gritty eye scratch and raised him one conjunctivitis.

Here is the part of the show where I blast you with an ugly picture that you will wish you never saw, and yet you won't be able to stop looking at it:

You're welcome.

It started as a scratchy-itchy-dry sensation late yesterday afternoon which turned into a leaking-yellowy-boogers last night. My eye had yellow boogers.

It was possibly one of the grossest things I have ever experienced, and I am a woman and bleed from my vagina every month, which is pretty gross in and of itself.

I had a terrible time sleeping last night, and woke at 3.30am with my eye mask stuck to my face, which I promptly threw into the laundry. The combination of not having my eye mask, feeling every heart beat in my eyeball, and Steve's awful snoring kept me at or near Awake Mode until it was time to call my supervisor and tell her I wasn't coming in.

But by that time, my eyelids had completely vacuum-sealed themselves shut from the rest of the world. And the infection had started to spread into my other eye.

The only way I was able to pry them open was with a hot shower. Have you ever tried to pee and then prepare a shower without the use of your eyes? It's pretty difficult, but doable.

There was a silly conversation with the appointment-maker at the doctor's office that I thought was going to go on for ten minutes: "How about 3.45?" "Do you have anything earlier?" "What time do you need?" "I don't need anything specific, just wondering if that was all you had." "What time do you want?" "Something earlier than 3.45?" "Like what time?"

The doctor took one look at me, said, "It looks like you have conjunctivitis," and wrote me a prescription.

It's not exactly how I wanted to obtain another 4-day weekend, but I guess I'll take it.