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Camping Sucks, Amirite?

Steve's aunt was in town this past weekend; it was her first time in Alaska, and we and Steve's brother's family wanted to treat her to a Very Alaskan Experience. Which included eating a ton of seafood, catching a bigger fish than her hosts on the Kenai River, and camping in the rain.

But had it been just the rain, it wouldn't have been such a problem. No, it was a whole host of little things that made me wish something would knock me over the head and take me out of my misery.

In other words, I am a pleasure to take camping.

She and Olive napped in the back seat while Steve and I chattered on the drive to Cooper Landing. We pulled into our campground spot and started unpacking the trunk only to discover one of the beers had broken and spilled all over the trunk and a few select food items.

Then we started noticing the number of things we forgot to pack. Like the air mattress. The air mattress that I thought Steve put in the car. The air mattress that Steve thought I put in the car. The air mattress that pulls camping from Insufferable Torture to Bearable Uncomfort.

Also forgotten: enough rope to string up our tarp. And a good attitude.

Then it started raining as we were putting the tent up. Raining hard and raining cold. And the string in one of the main tent poles broke, so we had to fight keeping that together to get the tent up. But get the tent up we did, and lo there was much rejoicing.

Steve pulled out the long runner for Olive, and while he was wrapping one end around a spruce tree, the spruce tree reached out and poked him in the eye. And I mean the eyeball. Over the next 24 hours his eye swelled up and drooped and leaked and turned red and angry and almost fell out.

The rain drenched the fire pits, but Steve's brother was able to get his going with almost a full bottle of lighter fluid. We decided sharing would be a better idea than trying to fight ours into lighting.

We had some good food, warmed up by the good fire, burned some good marshmallows, played some good games of poker (I won, so of course they were good), and made good conversation. Then it was time for bed.

Did I mention we forgot to pack an air mattress? Right. Because we did. This is a critical bit of information.

I pulled on a layer of thermals, long socks, a sweater, and a jacket and climbed into my sleeping bag. I had forgotten my glasses at home, so I didn't even try to read. Steve managed to fall asleep rather quickly, but Olive and I had difficulties. The ground was hard and getting colder. Olive nosed her leash into her bowl of food and walked laps around the tent.

Around 1am I had had enough of the ground and the cold and the dog, so I scooped her up along with my pillow and my sleeping bag and headed for the car. Sleeping in the car is a whole other kind of uncomfort, but it was softer and warmer and better. And I slept. Three or four hours, which is more than anything I would have gotten on the cold hard ground.

Olive got a bit of sleep as well, but started waking around 5 to growl at every little thing that moved. Others were getting up at 6, so we got up too. It was 45 degrees. I started the car for some warmth, and Steve crawled in and promptly fell asleep, his eye looking worse than the night previous.

I had a decision to make: attempt starting a fire for eggs and bacon, knowing that the fire and the food would feel so very good, or break camp and head home as soon as I could.

I broke camp.

The tent came down easily, but I couldn't fit it back into its little carrying bag despite refolding it three times. I knew it would need to dry out at home anyway, so into the trunk it went. I took down Olive's lead line and nearly missed having my eye poked out by that stupid tree.

I fit as much as I could into the trunk and the rest went on the back seat. It wasn't as neatly packed as when Steve did it for the drive down, but I didn't care. I started the car, waking Steve, and left.

I grabbed a burnt, bitter mocha and a stale muffin on the way out of Cooper Landing. Within 20 miles the sun had come out and the temperature had risen 20 degrees.

I hear that camping isn't always like what I have experienced. A coworker had taken our campsite the next evening, and he reported it was beautiful and warm. So clearly there is something in my karma preventing me from a nice and relaxing camping experience.

Maybe it's called The Outdoors.