Nine Years
Nine years ago my sister did not survive a motorcycle accident. Today I am sitting in a too-small hotel room in Juneau, wanting desperately to honor her memory but not being able to get into the right headspace.
I tried a few different things to help me focus: I went for a walk on Sandy Beach, I ate some chocolate gelatto, and I flipped on the television to find a music channel. But when I turned on the TV there was Jersey Shore and I couldn't look away.
I've never seen it before, and I watched two or three minutes of it - enough to know that it's truly awful. But after I turned it off I realized it's just the kind of show Melissa would have loved; she always had some awful taste in movies and television.
But mostly today has felt like another work trio to Juneau and I hate that. I want to grieve my sister. I want to sit at her grave and tell her I miss her. I want to be with my family and share funny stories about her life.
About the time she rode her bicycle into the side of the house and broke her arm. About the time she sang and danced with me as I packed for college. The times she was beautiful and the times she was there for me. And the times since that I have needed her.
Nine years is much too long without my sister.
5 Comments
Luv ya, Sis. Happy that I don't miss you the same and truly believe that she (although she ought to be happy) misses us, too.
I was thinking the same thing yesterday. I miss her every year, and every year on Sept 22nd I think about her a little bit more. I couldn't decide what to do for the 22nd so I did a small thing in Facebook. I also bought a candle that makes me think of her. I lit it last night and the night before surrounded by prayer beads thinking about her and wish so badly she was still around. I will always miss and love her.
Thanks for the reminders of the foolish things she use to do and how we all miss her. The 22nd is always a day that I keep to myself and don't answer the phone, I, also, clean her grave site and put on new flowers and spend time looking out over God's wonderful bay and knowing that His Will is right. Love to her and I know that she's giving God a "hard" time, although He probably thinks it's funny. Miss you very much girl! Mom
When I read your entry last year about your drive along the inlet on this anniversary, my heart ached on your behalf.
This year, 3 months to-the-day before your annual remembrance, my little brother died, succumbing to injuries from a car accident 15 years ago.
I must confess I harbor a small bit of envy over the fact that you have other siblings - my only sibling is now gone. But mostly, I understand your grief in a much more real way today than I did a year ago.
3 months is too long without my little brother, and it will still be too long in 9 years.
P.S.
//Internet Hugs//