I'm pretty terrible with making decisions.
Wait, let me qualify that.
I'm pretty terrible with making important decisions. Also decisions about which restaurant we should eat at while we're out. I don't care what we eat just pick something no I really don't care I just ahhh.
What I am good at is seeing both sides of the decision possibilities and arguing how each of them is the superior choice until I have two or three obviously superior choices to make.
This last week I had a Very Important Decision to make. So I spent time free writing all of my feelings, listing the pros and cons and kinda-pros and kinda-cons, and whining a lot to my husband and brother and friend about what am I going to dooooo?
Cue more whining and sleepless nights and gastric problems of stress.
Today is my birthday: I'm 33. I don't mind birthdays, don't mind getting older. And I have high hopes for my 33rd year, because I finally made that Very Important Decision.
Even now that the decision has been made, I am still hyper aware of the unknown variables and ways that this decision may backfire - what if I hate it? what if they hate me? what if I'm bored? what if I'm put at a tiny desk in a dark basement and assigned questionably-ethical tasks and I get ulcers and my husband leaves me and my dogs run away and I lose my house and die cold and sad and alone?
Because that could totally happen.
But I have this quiet calmness in my soul that I have made the right decision. And I'm trusting my quiet and calm inner voice, because my inner voice knows shit.
I have accepted a position with the Alaska Mental Health Trust Authority and I will start after Valentine's Day.
I am excited for the new opportunities to learn and grow, excited for my work to bring meaning into people's lives, excited to order a mocha for pleasure reasons instead of Grar Feelings reasons.
Here's to 33, my inner voice, and new beginnings.