The Inner Voice of Lady Justice (33.1)
I'm pretty terrible with making decisions.
Wait, let me qualify that.
I'm pretty terrible with making important decisions. Also decisions about which restaurant we should eat at while we're out. I don't care what we eat just pick something no I really don't care I just ahhh.
What I am good at is seeing both sides of the decision possibilities and arguing how each of them is the superior choice until I have two or three obviously superior choices to make.
This last week I had a Very Important Decision to make. So I spent time free writing all of my feelings, listing the pros and cons and kinda-pros and kinda-cons, and whining a lot to my husband and brother and friend about what am I going to dooooo?
Cue more whining and sleepless nights and gastric problems of stress.
Today is my birthday: I'm 33. I don't mind birthdays, don't mind getting older. And I have high hopes for my 33rd year, because I finally made that Very Important Decision.
Even now that the decision has been made, I am still hyper aware of the unknown variables and ways that this decision may backfire - what if I hate it? what if they hate me? what if I'm bored? what if I'm put at a tiny desk in a dark basement and assigned questionably-ethical tasks and I get ulcers and my husband leaves me and my dogs run away and I lose my house and die cold and sad and alone?
Because that could totally happen.
But I have this quiet calmness in my soul that I have made the right decision. And I'm trusting my quiet and calm inner voice, because my inner voice knows shit.
I have accepted a position with the Alaska Mental Health Trust Authority and I will start after Valentine's Day.
I am excited for the new opportunities to learn and grow, excited for my work to bring meaning into people's lives, excited to order a mocha for pleasure reasons instead of Grar Feelings reasons.
Here's to 33, my inner voice, and new beginnings.