Main Posts

When September Ends (33.9)

October 1, 2014

I've been experiencing low-grade depression most (all?) of the month but wasn't able to identify it as such. Which is silly, because of course I've been depressed during September. It reminds me of death and loss and fills me with dread. I will never be a fan of September. 

This year was the 12th anniversary of Melissa's death.

When the grief was fresher, I assumed it would eventually fade into the background. Filed away into the Terrible Things That Happened in Valette's Past folder and tucked into a cabinet that is only opened when needing a really good ugly cry.

But now that I have twelve years of experience with this specific grief, it has become familiar and I've stopped expecting it to completely go away like I assumed it eventually would. There are times I anticipate it (see: the end of every September), and times it comes on unexpected but I know I will get through it.

My brother-in-law has described grief as filling a container that is neatly placed on a shelf. Most of the time it sits there out in the open, present but not an active part of daily life. Once in a while, however, something happens and it gets knocked over and grief spills everywhere.

Grief is a bitch to clean up.

I've spent the month not doing a very good job cleaning up some (completely expected) grief spillage. Which is okay. It's okay to continue to experience grief for my sister, even twelve years later. It's not fun, it's pretty terrible actually, but it's not wrong to feel lost and lonely and empty.

I made it through September, and to it I say good riddance.

Comments are closed.

Additional Content

Hi, I'm Valette

I'm a photographer based out of Anchorage, Alaska. I've recently become a wife, a stepmother, and a homeowner. Life is pretty awesome. You can email me anytime. Learn more...

Recently Tweeted

I find more and more than I lean toward using <3 as a thank you, even in professional correspondence 7 hours ago

PSA: taking your measurements in your office is much easier with a long iPhone cable than with a metal tape measure. 8 hours ago

I’m super ready for my tomatoes to turn any color other than green 24 hours ago

Annoyed af at every goddamn thing today 27 hours ago

I can’t wait for the next generation’s #ootd photos, built on the shoulder of we who have gone before https://t.co/jWqr3Zyw1B 49 hours ago

Recently Photographed

Recently Read


Archives

Also On